Jake's story...

There once was a three-headed snake named Jake.  This is his story.

Jake was smart and handsome, a very unique and a one of a kind rattlesnake.  Jake lived in Snakeville USA.  His ancestors came from all over the world, and represented many races and ethnicities.  During the American Revolution, one of Jake’s ancestors even gained notoriety in 1775 by posing on the famous yellow Gadsden flag with the words “DONT TREAD ON ME” on it.

Jake was easy going, well-traveled, and could speak many languages.  On his travels, Jake made friends easily.  He “never met a snake he didn’t like”.   All in all, Jake was a diverse, inclusive, slithering, melting pot of a snake.

Jake’s skin was different than other snakes, with diamonds which were a mosaic of reds and blues, just like the American flag that Jake loved so much.  Jake was All-American from his three heads down to his rattle.

Most of the other snakes in Snakeville loved Jake very much.  But there were also some angry, hateful snakes that did not like Jake.  They teased him about having three heads and spread false rumors about him. They tried to make other snakes angry and hateful towards Jake and what he stood for.

All this name calling stuff made no sense to Jake.  The angry, hateful snakes must be very sad and confused to call him names and spread such lies, he thought.  But, since Jake was his own snake, so to speak, he just wrote it off to their being ignorant, and intent on destroying what they did not agree with or which threatened them.

Jake was used to having three heads.  The two extra heads were actually quite small and hardly noticeable.  Then, one day, Jake's two extra heads stopped functioning properly.  The problem was that the two other heads had started fighting for life and death control of Jake’s life and for his allegiance.  The malfunctioning heads started to make Jake very distressed.

Jake’s regular head, the middle head, had always been very normal, healthy and sane.  It did all the work, paid the bills and taxes, and pulled all the weight. It celebrated America on the 4th of July, paid proper tribute on Memorial Day and Veterans Day, and even cast Jake’s votes on Election Day.  But the other two heads wanted to be in charge, so they began to argue constantly.  They tried to dominate Jake’s life, tell him what to think, what to do, how to act, what was true, and what was not. But Jake loved his freedom and independence well enough to know better.

One of the rogue heads was colored Blue.  It was shaped like a donkey’s head.  It had grand ideas on how Snakeville should be governed.  But the ideas were unrealistic, based entirely on emotions and lacking in common-sense.  The big picture it promoted would clearly be a catastrophe.  So it spread lies and fear to scare the other snakes into supporting it.  The Blue donkey head was mean, and unethical. It would stop at nothing to control Jake and the other snakes.

Jake knew that good government and ideas should benefit as many of Snakeville’s snakes as possible, he thought.  But many of the Blue donkey head’s ideas crossed the line – from living freely to being under the control of the Blue donkey head and its angry, motivated mob of supporters.  Besides, Jake and the other snakes did not want to live in a place with double standards and different sets of rules for different sets of snakes.

The other rogue head was colored Red.  It was shaped like an elephant’s head. It was once a respected leader in the snake community, consistently counted upon for practical solutions to many of Snakeville’s most pressing issues. But lately it had become slow and awkward and out of touch.  The Red elephant head had lost the twinkle in its eyes and motivation. It had seen better days.

The Red elephant head had either forgotten the ideas and ideals it once stood for, or had set them aside.  It had become disorganized, and no longer able to articulate its once clear vision for a free, viable, prosperous Snakeville and all of its snakes.  Gradually, the other snakes drifted away from the Red elephant head.  All of this deeply concerned Jake.  How would Snakeville preserve its freedoms and remain a safe, sane community?

All of this chaos inside his heads started to make Jake The Three-Headed Snake violently ill and very depressed.  So he checked into Snakeville General Hospital.  As he lay in his hospital bed, Jake and his friends realized that he was in very bad shape.  Since Jake was so beloved by most of the other snakes, a highly regarded doctor was called in.

As Jake was being examined by the doctor, concern was rampant among the local snakes.  They gathered round waiting to see if the doctor could help. Snakes around the world that knew Jake had heard about his deteriorating health, so they joined in vigils praying for his health.

When the examination was over, the doctor was brought before the Snakeville elders to give his report.  The doctor was pleased to tell them that the long-term prognosis for Jake’s recovery was good.  It required a straightforward procedure.  But the doctor cautioned that the operation occasionally had dire consequences when performed on multi-colored, multi-racial, multi-lingual snakes like Jake.

The doctor went on to tell them he would first chop off Jake’s Blue donkey shaped head.  Then he would chop off Jake’s Red elephant shaped head.  Then he would stitch Jake up, and be on his way.  The snake elders worried that chopping off Jake's Blue donkey head and Red elephant head sounded drastic.  But the doctor insisted that in his expert, medical opinion it was the only way Jake would survive.

So the doctor chopped off Jake's Blue donkey head and his Red elephant head.  And he stitched Jake up.  And he went on his way.  Jake had been through a lot.  The Blue donkey head and the Red elephant head had taken a toll on him.  Their fighting had almost destroyed Snakeville and cost him his life, liberty and happiness.  Jake rejoiced that he was finally rid of the two rogue heads.

It took a while, but Jake recovered!  His body grew stronger and stronger.  And he became happier day by day.  And Jake the All-American one-headed snake went on to live a long, productive life the way he wanted to.  He decided what was best for him, no longer tormented by the crazy Blue donkey head and the tired old Red elephant head, neither of which served him any longer.

Jake and the other snakes learned many valuable lessons from this experience, which made the snakes in Snakeville USA determined not to let their government gain too much power over them and their freedoms to slip away.

Jake started the JakeTheSnake.shop website, and his story and message spread throughout America. Many things began to improve.  After all, governments exist to serve their citizens, not to serve the politicians and donors.

To remind the others of this, and to help as many snakes as possible to live freely and happily ever after, Jake even adopted the motto of his Revolutionary War era ancestor, which read...


        - by Jack Diamond 

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